I think I have a Candida overgrowth..I've been having unusual cravings for bread and sweets...not giving in, but that's the worst part...living in my days waking up thinking of bread and going to bed fantasizing over it.

That's what happened when I had candida before. So today I spent $38 on pro-biotics, and I'm starting a "detox"...since fasting isn't my friend right now...I'm going to be doing a mono-food detox. I'll eat one food at time, and wait 4 hours between meals. This means...if breakfast is an apple, if I am hungry, then it will be 2 apples...etc etc.

That is all :)

I had the WEIRDEST dreams last night.

It started out, as much as I can remember, I was blonde. My hair was very short. In real life I have long brown hair...ha. And with this blonde hair and new blue eyes [I have dark brown eyes]...and apparently new body, because I definitely don't look like I did in my dream...I was modeling. I had to model in the snow, but the snow was not far off. It was familiar, limited and local...And there were jukeboxes around. 

To one of my next dreams. I was with my friend Summer and she had her kids with her. In real life her daughter is 7 and her son is 4. In my dream, they were both babies. Her daughter was a one year old and her son was  newborn. Again, we were in the snow. I don't know what's up with the snow. But she had them only in diapers, very natural. And it didn't seem like it would have been terrible for them to be that cold. But I do remember seeing the goosebumps on their skin. In the snow Summer met with this psychic lady who she ended up talking to. Well the psyhic wanted to see Summer's kids alone for a second. So what does Summer do? She takes off with my in the car, thinking that the lady is going to take her kids for the weekend or something. I said to her, "Umm, don't you need to take your kids?" and she said the lady was taking them all weekend. Which wasn't true. 

Skip to us skiing. Again, in the snow. But it was weird. Only one of my feet had skiis, and I had to skii like I was a flamingo... with one leg up. Going over the snow, the object was not to go over to firmest parts of the land...but to hit over the most melted parts it. And my eyes could see temperature in the snow. Red, for areas that were more thawed. So those were the areas I'd go over. And it wasn't that the snow was thawed as I'd traditionally think, since in my dream that's what everything would tell me. The temperature was red, it was heated, but it wasn't melted like I might think. It was just softer. After a while of this, I said to Summer, "I wish we could get those other skiis...the ones where you have one foot in each ski. Like a set of skiis. That would be so fun!"

And now I wasn't with Summer. I had no skiis on at all, but shoes instead. And I'm with coworkers...Trish and Jenny. We're walking to a wooden cottage...but on the way there is this...THING. It's so freaky! It made me scared actually. It was this fleshy Gumby-like 5-limbed walking hand thing with a head...and this thing was mentally challenged. He was walking over the snow. And as we went to pass him, quickly, because he scared us all...I began to eat the snow. And Jenny yelled at me not to do that. She reminded me that that thing/man had just walked over where we passed! I could hear him saying things like, "I'm so hungry, I'm so hungry"....And I told Trish and Jenny, "The scariest part of him to me, is that he may be slow, but he speaks like he's a crazy person"

And then we made it to the cottage. Then I woke up.

So weird. I wonder what all the snow meant?

Current Music: Pocketful of Sunshine

Ahh it's been so long. 

I have so much to get off my chest. Livejournal, I love you. Thank you for letting me use you. You're always there for me when I need you, and never talk back when I abandon you.

Where to begin. ???

Lets start with home life. 

I haven't been home to my apartment in over a week. I don't know if I wrote about Steph before this. I'm sure I did. Well, he's still been staying with me. But I probably haven't mentioned the fact that he told me he's fallen in love with me. [???]. I tried to act like he never told me, but he made things so awkward. He has been in my space SO MUCH. I have become beyonnnnnd bitter about it. I'd go to the gym, he'd go to the gym with me. I'd go to the store, he'd invite himself to come. Anywhere I went, he's been like a fucking puppy dog following me around and I hate it. And I hate the stare that he gives me. This past month I've just had to turn to him sometimes and say, "STOP LOOKING AT ME." I've become a bitch around him. And I've told him that. And the spineless puss that he is, just says, "Aww you're not a bitch to me, you're always so nice." Where's the fun in being friends with someone who never stands up for themself? It's so lame. He's so lame. 

So basically 2 weeks ago I told him I wanted him to move out because I needed space. He started crying. :X Dear God. I tried my best to be nice for a couple days after that. I did a good job. Well Saturday morning of last week, I woke up to go to the gym, and started to get dressed to go. He started to get dressed too. I thought, "Oh God, I don't want him to go with me...I'll go on the computer and act like I'm on the internet...and see what he does...wait for him to leave before me." So I waited...even though the internet didn't work at the time, I acted like it did, and sat there. He got completely dressed to go, then got under the covers in bed like he was getting cozy waiting for me to go with him. I was STEAMING inside!!! So I went and put my laptop on the desk and went to act like I was going to finish getting ready. He said to me, "I wasn't waiting for you...if that's what you're thinking." Uhhhhhh...I said, "Well it sure seems like you're waiting for me. You are waiting for me!" So he said he didn't mean to rush me...and I thought to myself that I was less irritated about being rushed than I was about my space being invaded. So he said that he'd just go to the gym before me. So I said okay...he said he'd see me there. I said sure. So instead of meeting him at the gym, I got ready for the shift I worked that afternoon. And later he texted me. It was so pathetic...oh God. It was truly pathetic. He was supposed to work that afternoon as well. He texted me telling me he felt so bad not talking to me before he went to work, about "what happened". Whenever there's drama with him, I won't feel like talking about it, because his french language barrier makes it hard. I know since he's not THAT great as he should be with english...he doesn't always get what I'm saying. So I give up. Anyway, he texted me saying since he was so upset we didn't "talk", he called in to work saying he was going to be TWO hours late! Because he wanted to wait to see if I'd come home. WTF. I was over at my friends. No way was I going to go home to his sorry ass. So I didn't write him back. I went to work. And stayed the night at my friends house. Well he left me a message on my phone, crying. And this is where my week away from home began. I kept staying at friends' houses. And he kept leaving me messages, crying. And desperate text messages. And desperate myspace messages. And I was not writing him back. Or if I wasn't avoiding his messages, I was writing him back saying I didn't want to talk to him. So tonight, I'm at my mom's house, staying the night for the second night in a row. And all of this time away from home and my regular routine has left me feeling less grounded, and has made me think alot.. Not about Steph, but about everything else in my life. 

For one, I realized something about my friend Robin, who I stayed with for a few nights. I realize now that she might not really care for me like I thought she did? Or like she said she did. I know that she's insecure about her weight. We've talked about it often. We've talked about weight, and cutting...she's the only friend I have in person that I talk about that with, and that we really connect on. When I stayed with her, I think she really wanted to bring me down with her. She always has a ton of junk food in her house that she doesn't dub as junk food. "Natural Cheeto's" "Natural Lay's Barbeque Chips" "Potato Bread" "Fruit and Cream Oatmeal"....You catch my drift? One day I was eating some of the gummy bears that she had, and I noticed I was getting a head ache right away. So I stopped eating. She pushed Cheetos on me, other chips on me, other food on me, other candy on me...her holiday chocolates...all of which I said no to. I said, no thank you, no thank you, no thank you. No thank you, "these foods are giving me a headache. It's all junk." After arguing with me that it's not junk food, we'd go rounds about what we'd rather look like. But she would always say, "You look perfect. I'd kill for your body." I didn't really get it until I wore my welcome out.. that I think she is jealous of me. I don't usually realize things like that. But it adds up too much. Her pushing all of her junk food on me. Her comments about my body. And she let me wear her makeup. She always says I do my makeup better than she does. And since I wasn't home, I needed tops to wear. So she let me borrow her clothes. She'd comment that her clothes looked better on me than on her. That my collarbones showed more than hers.. And by the end of the 3rd day staying the night at her house [keeping in mind that I was still going to work, so we weren't spending ALL day together].. she made up a lame excuse of why I couldn't stay with her for the weekend. She could have just said I wore out my welcome. I've basically realized that she's not the kind of energy I need in my life right now. So I'll let her alone for now. Oh...and she also told me never to get with her husband. Right...all of her insecurities are making her not like me. So that's it for Robin.

For other things, such as my life path...I feel so excited to move. School starts this Saturday, and I CAN'T WAIT. I know exactly what I want to do now and I feel so much passion to give everything my best so I can be on my way. I'm taking Nutrition and Spanish this semester. Actually I'm on the waiting list for Spanish, but I'm pretty sure I'll get in. I'm so excited...since I'm only taking 2 classes, I can focus 100% on them. For the first time in school, I'm not overbooking myself, not overwhelming myself. I've given myself a chance to do good. And when Steph is out, [I gave him 'til the 18th] I'll be by myself in my apartment again. I want to get these pre-req's done with so that I can get on to Washington! Did I ever mention that I am SO SET on going to Bastyr University? Well I do. I can study Health Psychology and Nutrition as my majors. 

I'm also set on following through with my singing. I've had a lot of inspiration and encouragement lately from friends. I want to finish a few of my songs. And once those are finished, I'm going to record them, put them on CD's, and send them to god-knows-who...I feel like I'm wasting my time not doing anything with my voice. I think it would be well recieved by the public right now with all the different kinds of voices that are out there these days. 

And one last thing that is so huge in my life right now..as always.. the need to be HEALTHY! I feel like every time I f*ck up, God literally sends physical pain to me somewhere. Massive headaches. Stomach aches. Dizziness. Blurred vision. Call if health problems, call it God.. Whatever it is, I feel the difference. And when I'm in my health zone, I feel so fantastic. The two are such polar opposites. Such extremes, that lately I just look around me when I feel like shit...and say outloud... I GET IT!!! OKAY? I GET IT!!! I need to be, want to be, have to be, HEALTHY! Oh. By 'healthy', I mean eat clean foods and work out. I don't mean anything disordered that would make me lose weight. Because I'll always welcome that ;)

Speaking of health...I also have added to my list of things to do...Become a personal trainer. 

Alright. There. It's all out. And I feel super fantastic. Really!!!

Lots and lots and lots of love to you LJ. Thank you, it's been wonderful ♥

Mission: NOT IMPOSSIBLE

Everyone [generally] tries to better themselves for New Years.

Well I'm trying to do this all before New Years. 

63 days away.

I want to lose as much weight and/or body fat as I can before then. There's no number goals. I'm just going for it. No limits. I can lose a little or I can lose a lot.

I want to test myself to see if I can stay vegan for this duration. And not only vegan. But a non-processed/fresh-living/as-organic-as-possible vegan. 

I want to grow my hair out within this time. It's getting long again. And for once in a lonnnnnng while I finally feel like I can tough it out. Oh lord do I hate having long hair but my oh my does it look nice if I can get on without pulling. 

Now that I've got my voice back [I lost it], and now that I'm no longer sick [I got sick right after]...I can take extra good care of myself...as far as what goes into my body. Or what doesn't go into my body, right? It feels like the less I eat, and the more I eat fresh...the more nights I can spend staying up late at the gym.

As vain and superficial as this sounds...I want to be wonderful. I want to be thin. I want to be beautiful. And smooth-faced. Oh and to make it even cheesier. There's this girl on youtube that is tooooootally inspiring/thinspiring. Her name is Stevie Ryan. She is freaking GORGEOUS. Think 50's thin pin-up. She's done her undercover Little Loca characters and stuff...CLICK HERE

Anyway. I'm done with this post. Maybe I'll update later. I've been on the internet for like 8 hours now. Haha exaggeration...almost.
 

Current Music: Tisbury Lane - Mia

.......

.......
.......
......
........

My car....

Was repossessed this morning. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I'm such a fucking idiot!!! And you're probably wondering why I have a new laptop then...well I'm just a fucking lazy ass who hasn't kept track of her payments...I know I've had reminders to pay, and when I went to the bank to make my payment in person they were closed early. So I gave up that week...and time goes by so fast that next thing I know I'm walking out to where I parked my car this morning...to get to the dentist...and it wasn't fucking there. 

I...just don't even know what to do. The bank's call center just opened up at 8am. My dentist appt. is at 8am but I'm not going to go. This is more important. I talked with someone at the bank and she said I'd need to talk to someone in their Repo department. But of COURSE it doesn't open up until 8:30am. God waiting is killing me. I have 18 minutes left to wait. So I'm occupying my time. 

GOD GOD GOD I can't believe I fucking let this happen. I am such a shitheadddddddddddddd greopgjmreopgnjmreiogpnjreioth895h854htie5uthnklaernfla

I wonder if I can get this all taken care of today before anyone else finds out about it. And I have to have it taken care of before tomorrow because tomorrow I have to start the 2 job work week again...and I don't have time to take the bus. Holy holy holy holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

I can't believe myself. I just can't believe myself. And I've been looking online the past 10 minutes about repossessions, and I probably will have a lot of stuff missing in there. God I'm so sad :( I have such a nice stereo and a bunch of cd's and books...I know it sounds so materialistic, but these are my thingss MY THINGS.....uughhhh my god i'm so fucked. I'm so fucked so fucked so fucked. I can't wait 10 more minutes. I need to know what is going to happen. RIGHT. NOW.

Some fucker is driving my car right now or stealing my stuff.....gioaeorijootijoreaijo SAHHHHHHGHGHGHGHGHGHHGHGH SHITTTTTTTTT

I'm not going to be able to stop crying. Holy fuckin shit man holy shit

 I'm here I'm here I'm here....!

God I can finally make consistent updates and come home knowing that the internet WORKS!! I bought a new laptop yesterday, and it has a wireless card built in...so I can update anywhere!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

MY UPDATES

I'm still working 2 jobs. It's going very well actually. I mean...if I can get a new laptop, I think I'm doing okay. Aside from the good paychecks, it's going well still. My job at the french cafe is still fun...and social. And my job with kids at the recieving home is kind of stressful right now, just because we have a full dorm and the kids that we have right now are an extremely mixed bunch...some have been there for 3 months and then some have been there for about a week now. So it's different everyday.

How's my body doing? Let me tell you how my body is doing. JUST GREAT. Heh. Sense sarcasm? It's so up and down. I suppose it's on the up. But my weight still isn't low. I weighed in at 136 today. I know I have a lot of fat on me...but damn I've been working out. And eating fairly well. I need to check my body fat, because if I don't see some numerical improvement SOMEWHERE I'm going to go out of my mind. Maybe it IS only possible for me to lose sizes and pounds if I starve myself. Because then I end up losing muscle too.

On that note, I am on a mission right now. I am lowering my body fat as much as I possibly can before Jan 1st. 77 DAYS AWAY. 

Also, a girl that I work with at the cafe has so many of the same views as I do with veganism and the world and health...so we are currently working towards being vegan together. The deal is so funny too...because we officially begin together once she runs out of the frozen bean and cheese burritos...I think that's hilarious! I'm so glad that it's not me who has to get rid of the food before we do it...because I never buy dairy. It's when I'm out with people that I eat it. Or at work...so since she's the one with the goods to get rid of, I can't make any excuses. She also has a goal for her body too....She just wants to be buff for her birthday in December. This is going to be fun. !!!.

Aghhhh I freaking love this laptop. If you'd seen my laptop before you'd see how much of a fairytale this is for me right now. I'm such a dork.

It's so exciting! Be prepared for many updates from me!!!!

Updating isn't going like I had planned. It's not going to work with how much I'm working now. Tuesday-Friday I'm working from 7am-11pm, and Saturdays from 3-11. Luckily I have Saturday mornings off, and will always have Sundays/Mondays off.

Having said that.. I don't go grocery shopping anymore. How could I? I'm never home, and there's literally no time during my work week to make food to bring with me. But have no fear! My second job is at a creperie.. there are many healthy options. So I have salads on my break. They even have vegan muffins! I love that. But, I have eaten crepes this past week, so it's a no on the vegan update. I had an Acropolis crepe. It has feta cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers, artichokes, and greek olives. It's so simple, an amazing. And feta is probably the lowest fat cheese there.

Anyway. Work to the side, I have a couple other things to talk about.

I want to lose weight, right? Right. I've been so focused on being healthy, and working out. I'm not losing weight. My size is not going down. When I'm "HEALTHY", I am literally fat. I want to drop sizes, I want to drop pounds. I want a defined jaw-line. I want skinny arms. I want my waist back. Granted I'm not medically obese, I shudder when I walk, feeling a little fat on me. It's repulsive. So I'm considering cutting back. Ehh not just considering. I am. I'm cutting back.

AND ON THAT NOTE: I have a great recommendation! I was at Target yesterday getting some much-needed items. When I browsed the movie isle.. I was drawn to the fitness DVD's. I came across the New York City Ballet Complete Workout. I bought it. It's a 2 Disc set. I brought it with me to work last night. Me and the girls did it after the kids went to bed. The first disc ended up being an hour long. So I assume they are both an hour. The 2 people I did it with didn't last. I made it through the whole thing! It's not impossible at all. It just takes focus. I like that it's not meant to built muscle. That's what I want. I want a small dancers body, not a huge fitness woman's body. There are even pamphlets inside the DVD's that have suggestions and advice. I like it/love it.

OH. Another thing. There is this girl at the creperie. I think her name is Kelsey. The girls at work were talking about their tattoos, and everyone liked this tattoo that Kelsey has on her left forearm. It's an anchor with different colors and stuff on it. Anyway I was staring at it when I noticed she got the tattoo to cover up old scars on her arm. I could tell she used to cut the way the scars were. She didn't have any scars on her right arm. Which is like me. I only have scars on my left, not on my right. I probably won't talk to her about it ever, but it's comforting knowing that there's someone around me who has that kind of a past. I don't know anyone in person who cuts. I don't anymore. Thank god.

If there is anyone who has old scars from cutting: Have you ever thought of getting laser treatment to hide/fade the scars? Is that even possible? Most of my scars are pretty light now, except one. I have a scar from last year that looks like a baby leech on my arm. It's really bad. And I want to get it removed. So if you have ever had any procedure at all that has involved getting scars removed... be it from cutting, or scars from a surgery... could you let me know more about this? Thanks.

That is all.

Ahhh what a little sleep deprivation will for a person. Last night I got off at work, and I knew it would be one of those nights for me.. The kind of night where I can't keep my eyes open enough to drive home. So I attempted to drive half way home, realizing that it was impossible. You know, it doesn't matter that I live 15 minutes away in driving time. The reality of it was: I had to pull over and sleep. How many times in the past 2 weeks have I done this? God. Though I tossed and turned, I was 'sleeping' until 5:30am. Pretty good! I haven't gone back to sleep and probably won't until tonight. I always feel like being tired and being up so early in the morning is exciting to me. The sun has just about completely risen. I'm being a laze, but a creative laze. Downloading music and feeling light enough to write a couple songs today. Which hasn't happened in a lonnnng time. So I'm having a pleasant day so far! I love feeling a little wired from exhaustion.

Yesterday was okay. I had my fair share of water. 64oz. Usually when I do the 28dayplan I find myself drinking around 80+oz. Well yesterday was just okay because it was completely average of me to drink just 64oz, and to eat just 'okay'.. I had a salad for lunch, peaches for snack and I made myself a burrito for dinner [beans, tomatoes, lettuce, hot sauce, tortilla]. And I counted my exercise as my work. I do consider my work exercise on some days when I'm very tired... I chase the kids like a maniac, and lift them up doing gymnastics type of things. It can get to be very exhausting.

Oh starting Thursday, I have a second job. Whoo I haven't had a second job in about a year. It's back to officially not having a life at all. Okay that's not true. My new part-time is nice enough to let me keep my Sundays/Mondays off. Last time I worked two jobs at once, it was awful. I never got days off and never got any sleep. This time around is different. I need the money, I want the money, and I will save the money! For what??

I've decided I'm leaving this country. Be it Canada or England, I'm moving. I know I have to do my research, and I know I will have to travel to these places I want to live in order to make my decision. But I've already decided that I'm moving. America is too expensive for me. Unless you come from money and/or live with your parents still, the system makes going to school and working the biggest obstacle ever. Unless you have a good job, how are you supposed to pay rent AND go to school? Not to be pessimistic, [realistic, rather] but it seems pretty impossible for me to get back to school right now. I'm just leaving. I'll give more details later.

I'd also love to learn about some new music since my internet is back. I can download songs again. So, if you're reading this and want to share some of your taste with me, PLEASE DO. Thanks!

The whole vegan thing is on again off again and I'm sick of it. I want to be one or the other. Is it realistic to expect to just switch to vegan overnight? Probably not. But if smokers can quit 'cold turkey', then I can kick the 'addiction' to dairy and animal products.

On that note I believe that the animal products are making me fat. I think I have gained a bunch of weight back again. I keep going back and forth with my weight. I can't tell what's real. Especially since I haven't weighed myself for about a week. I look completely different. Or atleast I think I do. I'm afraid to see a few people.. aka Debbie.. because she last saw me when I was looking thinner, which was a week and a half ago. I know that was recently, but I look like shit again. I almost wish I had an awful toothache again to keep me from eating. It was nice just drinking juice and eating applesauce. I can still do that. But will I, is the question.

What I think I need to do is eat my salads only when I'm hungry. And have one piece of fruit for breakfast in the morning, only when I'm hungry. ONLY WHEN I'M HUNGRY, IS THE KEY WORD. If my stomach is not physically rumbling, what's the point? I've been guilty of blurring the line between hunger and cravings so many times it's not funny. I want to make that line clear, and learn from it. And lose weight because of it.

I don't think I want to be emaciated any longer. I think I have a pretty clear picture of what I want to be and what I want to look like. And that may be about 10 pounds over emaciation. Sounds pretty good to me.

God. The last few days have been nothing but obsession with food.  I don't know what's wrong with me. I look completely fat. I don't want to think that way and attract more fat thoughts, but shit! Come on! When will this change.

I know. I know I know I know. It will change once I get my ass off this chair and clean my apartment and take care of my debt and everything with my car. I notice I start to slip in all aspects when my money slips and I get behind in bills. This is going to STOP. Take care of it. Okay? Okay.

Wow and Wow and Wow and Wow!

MY INTERNET IS UP AGAIN. Can you believe it? I can't/can. Well, I'm taking advantage of it.

Much has happened. I don't know where to begin.

Welp. I made it to San Diego for the American Idol auditions. That was an experience, let me tell ya. It was this weekend that just passed, July 30th. Fun-filled with early-wake-ups and everything. And a new world for me where everything is backwards... if you registered early like a good contestant, somehow it meant that you got to audition last. And if you registered late, the morning of the auditions, it was good news for you. You got to audition first! I was one of the behaved contestants, waking up at the butt crack of dawn to wait in ridiculous lines, just to be used for show-intro's and such. I'm just being bitter. Can you tell I didn't make it to Hollywood? Long story short: Audition day, I got to sing for the producers after 13 hours of being at Qualcomm stadium on a hot hot hot day. And let me tell you.. these judges were sick of seeing people. They were sick of hearing people. They weren't sending anyone through. It was a sad event. I honestly feel that had I been given an audition in the morning, when the judges were more "fresh", I'd have made it to the next round. But oh well. Great experience. It was. I wish I had more of a desire to write about this, but I've been talking about it all week long to those who swore I'd come home with good news.

In other events.. weight. Weight? What about it.. well before I left, I was struck with THE MOST AWFUL TOOTHACHE EVER. It was torturous!! Upside? No eating. I was in so much physical pain and agony that it fucked with my nervous system. I'd be in pain and next thing I knew I was on the toilet or dry heaving. It was that intense. And then glory happy day my clothes started getting bigger and bigger on me. That was fun. And even when I cried my eyes out from the pain, I never got a puffy face, because I wasn't eating. I love how that works. It was great. [No sarcasm.] Before I left for San Diego I got some great treatments with a Bowen therapist. My friend is the director of a holistic healing school that's opening up. And the man that owns it that is opening it up worked on me before I left. He was so great. He was really in tune with everything in my body. That was another great thing recently...oh and on that note, I think the treatment he did on me has helped with my weight, and to stabilize the loss. After finishing all my vicodin and excedrine for the toothache, I was finally able to eat. And I ate. Not too bad, not too great. But I ate. And I honestly thought I would wake up every morning puffy faced and looking like an alien. No sir, I did not. He helped me! Because even now, back home, I am not waking up puffy. I thought maybe it was the San Diego ocean air that was clearing out my body. Well here I am back into stuffy air. And no changes, no complaints with my fluctuations. Also I even swear I've gained weight, but a lot of people are commenting on how "skinny" I look. Especially the people at work. It's getting more annoying than welcoming though. Today for example.. one of the case managers at work was talking about the food that was being served for dinner. I wasn't eating that food, I brought a salad. [One of my raw salads.] And she said something like, "and then we've got miss skinny over here, being all healthy." Hmmmmmm. Moving on.

So my period is about to start. I'm emotional, crying over our short life spans, crying over the could-be's of those I've lost, and crying over when my favorite animals might die. Craving salt, and wanting to eat the world. Nausea. Yeah. These are my updates, so exciting. So exciting.

Anyway, that's what's going on. I'll be able to update while my internet is still up. It's GOOD TO BE BACK.

Current Mood: blah